When mysterious soldiers target dom toretto, L.A.’s most notorious street racer turned petty hijacker turned international supercriminal turned international superspy, Dom must rally his team of elite drivers to solve the problem the only way it can possibly be solved: With cars, somehow.

Arms dealer Vlad Dracula (Keanu Reeves), obsessed with immortality, needs the perfect driver to pull off the heist that will help him reach his ghastly goal. Amoral geneticist Dr. Vic Frankenstein (Nicolas Cage) is building that driver for Dracula, one stolen body part at a time. It’s named Frank (John Cena*), and it won’t stop until it’s perfect. And to be perfect, of course, it needs the superior driving skills of Dominic Toretto.

Dom, Letty, Hobbs, Roman, Tej, and Ramsey must race around the world, from the streets of Romania to the entirely different streets of Guangzhou, trying to outrun and outwit Dracula’s forces with the help of ruthless ex-Interpol agent Abi Van Helsing (Lupita Nyong’o). Can Dom cross the finish line alive — or, in this new world of gods and monsters, has his quarter-mile finally run out?

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I started with a title, and that title was so blissfully inane that I had to actually write it. Yes, this is a full-length screenplay, meticulously placed in continuity between Furious 7 and The Fate of the Furious, with emotional stakes and character arcs and Vin Diesel grappling with the Ship of Theseus paradox in metafictional ways, and also The Rock fighting the Wolfman. It’s stupid, yes, but only in the highly specific, arguably glorious way that all of the Fast & Furious movies are stupid.

*I wrote this well before Fast 9, fwiw.